Thursday’s Spam Has Far to Go

Like blogging, hidden spam fiction seems to so common now that it’s not always interesting. Out of four messages today (good thing no one knows my email account, or it would probably be ten times that) only two were of interest. One of them, however, was extremely interesting.
Let’s deal with the other, not so interesting one first.

It was not immediately clear late Saturday whether Johnson was still alive when he was pulled from leader.

Well, what kind of shape was leader in? No one seems very concered about him. The whole thing reminds me of that guy from Total Recall.

Next:

We finally set up the tables and chairs so people could get medical care from the of workers, freeing up plenty of room.

Well, it’s nice to see that people are out helping other people. But how does setting up tables and chairs free up room? Seems to me like that would fill more space. Of course, that’s probably why my grades were so mediocre in school–I just couldn’t wrap my head around the proper use of logic.

Ultimately, the guy in charge of determining what shippedconsultants2duckhearted6directoratescourthousescoal- fired

Well, it’s a shame that the guy in charge of…of…of all that got fired. Post holiday layoffs, I bet; it’s the same everywhere. How much does it cost to ship a consultant, I wonder. And what makes a director “duck hearted”? (I know, I know–it’s because his “bills” are so big! Ha ha ha ow ouch ow stop hitting me, I’m sorry I said that! I won’t make jokes like that again!)

Finally, we come to today’s story. This is actually intriguing. With any luck, we’ll get more chapters the way we did with the story of Rob in the clock tower.

Finally he said: I’m afraid I couldn’t support your weight long enough to reach any other land. It’s a long journey, and you’d pull my arms out of joint before we’d been up an hourTheir faces fell at this, but one of them said: Why couldn’t we swing ourselves over your shoulders with a rope? Our two bodies would balance each other and we are so thin and emaciated that we do not weigh very much

Now this is interesting. Who (or what) is this person who can carry people, but not for long distances? He talks about “arms” rather than “wings” so, is it someone who is good at jogging or what? If he’s some kind of giant, who can stride like a titan across the land, he’s kind of wimpy one if he can’t carry two “emaciated” creatures for an hour. Maybe he’s a giant with really tiny arms. Maybe he’s a friendly tyrannosaurus rex! Whatever, it definitely lights a spark under the imagination.

Now this is interesting. Who (or what) is this person who can carry people, but not for long distances? He talks about “arms” rather than “wings” so, is it someone who is good at jogging or what? If he’s some kind of giant, who can stride like a titan across the land, he’s kind of wimpy one if he can’t carry two “emaciated” creatures for an hour. Maybe he’s a giant with really tiny arms. Maybe he’s a friendly tyrannosaurus rex! Whatever, it definitely lights a spark under the imagination.And the other guys, who come up with this ingenious “swinging rope” thing to help out (truth to tell, it doesn’t sound like it would help much. It sounds kind of more tiring than the other). Who are they, and why are they so emaciated? Usually that’s a result of being starved, right? So are they escaped prisoners, creatures from a more fragile world than ours, mutants, elves, hobbits, sea anemones, or what?

As you can see, this raises many interesting questions. It certainly paints a vivid if hard to grasp world. I’d really like to see more.

Crap. What I am asking for is more spam! How did I get into this mess? How does an interesting, innocent hobby result into foaming, churning madness?

I bet Lou Reed asked the same questions when he started writing all those drug songs.

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